Robyn confessed in a teaser for an upcoming episode that she still had dreams of sitting on a porch with “rocking chairs” with her sister wives despite ending their plural marriage with Kody Brown

Robyn Brown still has dreams of a plural family however broken her current one may be.

The Sister Wives star, 45, opens up about the aspects of plural marriage that she misses now that her former sister wives have ended their relationships with Brown family patriarch Kody Brown.

“What I liked a lot about living plural marriage was the team effort, where I had sister wives,” she exclusively tells PEOPLE, sharing how she “really wanted that camaraderie” and sense of “sisterhood” in addition to her marriage to Kody, 54.

“I wanted that experience of my sister wives loving my children and being able to love their children and feeling like this kind of big, happy family, big group of people that really cared about each other,” she continues. “So that’s what I liked about it.”

While collective harmony and reconciliation seem like a lofty goal, Robyn shares her hopes it’s still “possible” for everyone to remain a “family.”

“It looks a little different,” she says of the family’s current dynamics. “I sure hope it’s possible, but I can’t have expectations. I can’t put expectations on people, I’m realizing more and more, as far as family and that connection and spending time together and stuff and operating kind of a family. So I hope and I pray that it’s possible, but that will be that a situation where everybody has to choose that. So I don’t know.”

Within a span of 14 months, three of the Sister Wives patriarch’s marriages imploded. Kody’s third wife, Christine Brown, was the first to leave in November 2021. A year later in December 2022, it was revealed that he had separated from his second wife Janelle Brown. A month after that, his union with first wife Meri Brown was confirmed in January after the pair’s relationship had been platonic and distant for years.

Robyn is Kody’s only remaining wife. Given everything he’s endured as of late, Robyn shared in last year’s Sister Wives: One on One special that Kody had no plans to bring in more wives, though she wasn’t entirely sure of his intent going forward.

Despite their trials and tribulations, Robyn confessed she still envisioned living a polygamist lifestyle and revealed she’s “really, really struggled” with the idea of being monogamous.

“I don’t know what to do with it. It’s messing with my identity,” she continued during the special before bursting into tears. “It’s not the future I wanted. I want that house with us on the porch in the rocking chairs with our grandkids and our kids around us. You know, the grandparent ranch. That’s what I want.”

Robyn added, “I don’t know how to let it go.”

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

Sister Wives airs Sundays at 10 p.m. ET on TLC.