The former Casualty and Waterloo Road star tragically lost her husband and father of her two children in July

Holly Matthews has opened up about the struggles of facing her first Christmas without husband Ross Blair.

The former Casualty and Waterloo Road star tragically lost her partner in July, after he was diagnosed with a brain tumour at just 32.

The couple have two children together, daughters Brooke, six, and Texas, four.

Holly, 33, has bravely spoken about the difficulty her family faces in getting through the festive period without Ross, and how she’s now working with The Brain Tumour Charity to help others in a similar position.

Holly lost Ross in July (Image: Coventry Telegraph)

He was just 32 when he died (Image: Coventry Telegraph)

She said: “By now, my husband, Ross, would have bought the turkey and be preparing to cook Christmas dinner – he was the chef in our house and teased me about only being able to cook sausage casserole!

“And he’d have come with me to watch our daughters Brooke, six, and Texas, four, in their school nativity plays.

“But my gorgeous, quirky husband, the love of my life and best friend, died just five months ago from brain cancer.

“At 33, I’m a widow with two little girls, Brooke, six, and Texas, four, and have somehow got to navigate us through the emotional minefield of Christmas and find our new “normal” for being able to move forward.

“Christmas is all about families – it’s so painful facing your first one after losing someone. But you shouldn’t try to recreate what you had or put pressure on yourself. There’s no right or wrong way to feel.”

Holly will be spending the day at Ross’ parents house and says they’ll all pitch in and look out for one another.

She said that talking about Ross’ death has helped her, but she’s also received some backlash for her vlogs.

She’s opened up about her first Christmas without him (Image: Coventry Telegraph)

“Since Ross passed away,” she explained. “I have talked openly about his death and grief on my vlogs. Most people are supportive and thank me for shattering the taboo, but some are offended – even asking why I’m wearing make-up when I’m a grieving widow!

“But choosing to get up every morning and put lippie on and have fun with my clothes makes me feel there’s something I can control – the only control you have is how you choose to react to what life throws at you.

“For, as a society, we’re so buttoned up about death and grief with preconceptions and expectations about we “should” grieve, feel and be seen to be mourning.

“Perception is someone sad and depressed in black, sobbing at home – that’s what we think grief looks like. But grief looks like me – I’m grieving, but that doesn’t mean that I’m always sad.”

She added: “I’ve already grieved over the last three-and-a-half years as I’ve lost Ross bit by bit; and I know the depth of our love.”

Ross became increasingly ill in December 2013 and began suffering excruciating headaches and feeling depressed and fatigued.

After getting much worse, he ended up being taken to A&E in an ambulance and scans revealed the tumour.

He had radiotherapy and chemotherapy, but his tumour came back.

Ross also left behind two daughters (Image: Coventry Telegraph)

Holly says they’re angry that they’ve lost their dad (Image: Coventry Telegraph)
He sadly died on July 29 with his loved ones by his side.

Holly is now working with the charity to help others.

She added: “Now I’m a high profile supporter for The Brain Tumour Charity to help raise awareness – brain tumours are the biggest cancer killer of children and adults under 40 in the UK.

“My priority is to make my girls feel safe. Texas is extra sensitive and wants lots of cuddles. Brooke is open about her feelings, but acting up and has screamed that she hates me. She’s got all this anger and doesn’t know what to do with it.

“I tell her that being angry is understandable and not ‘wrong’ and that it’s fine to express it by punching her pillow, but not to push her sister or back chat me.

“Ross and I were together 24/7 and I miss him dreadfully. Pain is the price of the depth of love we shared. But that bond helps me – I can hear him saying; ‘Just get on with it – live your life!’

“Happiness is a choice and, although I am grieving, I choose to allow myself to be happy at times.

“Despite my heartache, I feel blessed to have experienced that love with my soul mate – I would never have missed out on it.”